July 20 2011 03:38 PM

This week, Enrique experiences plush puppets

Puppet EXP
Eddie Green and two of his co-stars
Photo by Enrique Limon

For some gay men, making a living by having your hand up someone’s ass is nothing short of a dream. For Eddie Green, it’s a reality.

A big Muppets and Wayland and Madame fan, Green first dabbled in puppeteering when he was go-go dancing at a club in Atlanta that decided to organize an all-staff drag show.

“It was down to the wire, and I created a drag puppet called Miss Thing whose act killed it,” he recalls. “The owner of the club came up to me after and said, ‘Hang up your G-string—you’re doing this from now on.’” Thirty-five years later, Green is captivating audiences with his show Eddie & The Puppet Divas. His stable of plushy putas includes likenesses of Dolly Parton, Celine Dion and a more realistic than the actual flesh-and-bone Cher.

“Anyone here from out of town?” emcee Lady Ajax asked the crowd at Hillcrest’s Bamboo Lounge. “You know, La Mesa?

National City?” The hostess would later introduce geriatric diva Granny Pearl, saying: “You know her from countless appearances on YouTube and varied crime-scene videos.”

Dressed in head-to-toe gold, and with a voluminous white afro that could rival Santa’s bush,  Pearl sang a heartfelt rendition of “Tyrone” and, prodded by the audience’s positive response, came back for seconds, “just like she does at the Chicken Pie Shop,” Ajax said The crowd warmed up, Green took the stage and unveiled a new character named Aunt Eunice.

Her hair up in a tight bun and donning an LDS church-approved, ankle-length gown, the chain-smoking doll excused herself while she “slipped into something more comfortable”—a completely see-through black number that left nothing to the imagination and would have made Lamb Chop pee her chamois panties in horror.

“I don’t know about you, but to me, those look like a dangling pair of extra large TruckNutz,” the emcee said, pointing to the cougar puppet’s décolletage.

Mid-performance, Eunice mouth-kissed the fellas (me included), gave impromptu lap dances, motorboated the “real live lesbians” in the house and, yes, even performed a simulated BJ, which the recipient was totally into.

“What are you, some sort of puppetphile?” Ajax asked him.

“I’m not sure if it’s the lighting in here or the sangria, but it’s been a while, and at this point, I’ll take anything I can,” he replied.