May 2 2012 10:04 AM

Ted Nugent, Hillary Rosen and the overreactionistas

Edwin Decker

Isn’t Ted Nugent just the most despicable assbooger in all the world? I’m honestly amazed by the amount of caca that spews out of his big, fat maw.

“If Barack Obama becomes the president in November, again,” the Motor City Bragman told a mooing herd of NRA bovine, “I will either be dead or in jail by this time next year.”

I love watching him rant because, when he does, you can actually see the insides of his mouth, see past the tongue, past the uvula, all the way down his throat and into his warm wet guts, which I suspect to be the womb where Stupid was born.

“See, I’m a black Jew at a Nazi-Klan rally, and there are some power-abusing corrupt monsters in our federal government that despise me,” he later said in an attempt to justify his NRA comments.

Oh, yes, I’m amused by Ted Nugent—The Noodge, as I like to call him—for having saltpeter in his pecker and gunpowder where his brain should be, but not nearly as amused as I am by the professional overreactionistas who vocalize outrage over comments that offend or frighten them. I don’t know about you, but I don’t have the time, nor the interest, nor the extra room in my rectum to store any bitterness toward anything a man with gunpowder brains and saltpeter jism has to say.

“The comment is disrespectful to blacks and Jews,” wrote James Johnson of

Oh, for crying out Christ. It’s a frickin’ metaphor! If I say, “I’m a kitten at a coyote convention,” would that be disrespectful to felines? Yes, of course, his characterization of his perceived outsider status is excessive, but that’s how you have fun with analogies—by taking them to the absurd extreme, such as when I write, “If ignorance is a disease, Ted Nugent is HIV (Hateful, Idiotic and Vapid).”

In a group conversation about the subject, my friend Eber said, “The major problem [with Nugent’s analogy] is that the black Jew at the Nazi- Klan rally would likely be the least psychotic attendee, not one of the most.”

“Good point, Eber,” I replied. “So, he’s not a black Jew at a Nazi-Klan rally; he’s a Nazi-Klansman at an African-Jewmerican rally.” Works for me. Although, it would have been even more accurate if Nugent had said, “I’m like HIV at a white-blood-cell rally,” because, yeah, the white blood cells will gang up on him—but that’s a good thing.

In defense of Wango Derange-o’s right to make obtuse remarks, another friend said, “Whatever happened to free speech?” “It’s not a free-speech issue,” I responded. “People have a First Amendment right to say what they think about what other people say, so it’s more of a Don’t-be-Such-an-Overreactionary-Pussy-All-the- Time issue.”

This goes both ways, by the way. People tend to think liberals have a monopoly on being offended by the politically incorrect, but conservatives are just as militantly offended about stuff. Take the controversy over Hillary Rosen’s comment that Mitt Romney’s wife, Ann, “never worked a day in her life.”

And, oh, did the overreactionistas overreact. In their minds, Rosen had attacked stay-at-home mothering. They claimed that her remarks were insulting and hurtful because (duh) parenting is hard work, while utterly ignoring Rosen’s context, which was this: “You have Mitt Romney running around the country, saying, ‘My wife tells me that what women really care about are economic issues.’ … Well guess what? His wife has never worked a day in her life. She’s never really dealt with the kinds of economic issues that a majority of the women in this country are facing.”

Now, I happen to disagree that you must have a job to have a valid opinion about the economy, but it’s clear that Rosen wasn’t disparaging a woman’s choice to stay at home; nor did she claim that parenting isn’t hard work. She simply failed to distinguish between the meaning of the word “work,” as in toil, and the word “employment.”

What she should have said was, “What does Ann Romney know about the economy? She’s never been employed!” And that’s exactly how the Dems should have defended her. Instead, they threw her under the bus.

“Hilary Rosen’s comments were inappropriate and offensive,” Obama campaign strategist David Axelrod said.

“Every mother works hard, and every mother deserves respect,” Michelle Obama tweeted.

“There’s no tougher job than being a mom,” the president said.

Oh, for crying out Christmastime! I despise this kind of pandering, feel-good safety-speak. Here we have the leader of the goddamn free world saying his job is easier than a homemaker’s? If he believes that, then maybe he isn’t the right man for the job. Because every mother does not work hard, and not all mothers deserve respect, and to say so is insulting to the moms out there who do work hard and deserve respect.

Ah, but whaddya gonna do? In a world full of overreactionistas just waiting to pounce on anyone who dares speak dangerously, we’ve all become fluent in safety-speak—the language of the mediocre.

’Tis true, that when God was giving out smarts, Ted Nugent thought he said “farts” and asked for a dense one, but that’s exactly why you shouldn’t let his ideas set you into a tizzy. The proper response to this sort of oral flatulence is to laugh. Just laugh—from deep in the warm wet womb where funny was born— at the gun-toting clown with saltpeter in his pecker and gunpowder where his brain should be.

Write to and Edwin Decker blogs at Follow him on Twitter @edwindecker or find him on Facebook.